- Ensure there is a clear push back on sensory dysregulation being cited as a reason for abusive behaviour.
- It is important that intent, reactions and coping strategies do not cause harm to others.
- Emphasise the importance of clear, unambiguous boundaries and definition of abuse.
KEY ISSUES
It is important to keep a survivor-centered lens when exploring the motives behind specific actions and that these actions can have consequences for the victim-survivors, irrespective of intent. In section 5.3, you will have explored the strengths and needs of the Neurodivergent client in the home and what the consequences have been for the victim survivor. It will be useful to return to this information at this point to help prepare for any sessions that seek to challenge justifications for abusive behaviours, particularly when these are rationalised within the context of being Neurodivergent. The questions below should be used alongside (rather than replace) related activities within your specific intervention. They can be used in a one-to-one or group setting, as appropriate.
PRACTICAL TIPS
Questions to Neurodivergent person unpack intent behind and impact of the behaviour
- This is what a controlling environment is (give examples), what does this look like for you?
- Ask yourself: Am I like this only with my partner?
- Do you behave this way to everyone – why/ why not – if no, what leads you to behave differently in those contexts?
- What is the difference when you respond to your partner in x way and to others in y way?
- How do you manage to control your environment in situations outside of the home?
- How do you manage your emotions when you are unable to control your environment outside of the home?
- What could you do differently to feel in control of your environment but without controlling your partner?
- What is your expectation of your partner to manage your environment?
- What is the intent behind your actions?
- What are the consequences for her if she gets it wrong? What about the children?
- What entitles you to discharge your dysregulation on your partner/children?
- What is that teaching your children (what do they see, hear, learn about how to manage dysregulation)?
- What would this be like for you, what would life be like for your partner? (see ‘Examples of reciprocal, non-abusive Neurodivergent/Neurodiverse relationships’).
- It is Important to keep a survivor-centred lens on the work and unpacking what may be a sign of neurodivergence and what may be resistance to being challenged – and how these two may intersect.
- Practitioners need to continually check on understanding of perpetrator and risk to victim-survivor.
- Practitioners need to emphasise reciprocity, a duty of care and the double empathy problem.
- Care can look different through a Neurodivergent lens as there are body/mind differences for cross neurotypes. Important to consider what a caring and respectful relationship looks like in this context.