- Sensory: what strategies are already in place that work in the home?
- Predictability: consider to what extent routines created to regulate and manage the environment for the client are an expectation (rather than a negotiated strategy with the victim survivor), and whether these are done willingly or through coercion.
- Understanding: understanding challenges and coping strategies in the home can provide the foundations for behaviour change work later on.
- Masking: a Neurodivergent person may mask outside of the home, requiring significant cognitive effort. Even if a person feels comfortable unmasking at home, the feelings of exhaustion from masking throughout the day could intersect with domestic abuse when they return home.
KEY ISSUES
Section 5.2c and d were designed to identify the different challenges clients might experience and deal with distress across different settings (including in the office, in public spaces). This included gaining an understanding of how the client behaves (manages their emotions) towards different people (e.g., boss, colleague, taxi driver). It is important to understand what prevention and coping strategies have been developed to manage challenges and distress in the home, what this looks like in this context, and whether they behave differently (abusively, coercive, controlling) towards their partner. While families may have devised strategies for coping together, it is also important to understand whether the partner and/or children are doing this willingly (e.g., on mutual understanding and care/equity) or whether this is done because of the consequences the survivor will face if they do not adhere to the ‘rules’ that have been imposed within the home and relationship. Understanding how neurodivergence and domestic abuse intersect in the home will provide important information to return to when engaging the client in behaviour change work.
PRACTICAL TIPS
- How do you manage your challenges in the home? (e.g., say/do nothing, wait until you explode, intrusively question).
- How do you prevent these challenges from happening? (e.g., minimise sensory traffic, by imposing demands and expectations).
- Why might you behave differently at home than elsewhere?
- What strategies have you developed to prevent/manage distress and to support your regulation? (e.g., stimming, quiet room, routines).
- What strategies have you developed as a family to cope with the challenges you all face?
Inviting people to take responsibility to change.
- Have you communicated these challenges you experience to your partner?
- How did/do you communicate your needs/challenges to your partner? (Equitably, shout, demand, coerce).
- What expectations do you place on your partner to structure/regulate for you?
- What say does your partner have in this?
- Is this fair/realistic?
- What are the consequences if your partner gets it wrong?
- What do you want to be different/the same at home/with your partner/children?
- What would that be like for you/your partner if you are being more equitable (see also section 5.5b)?
- You tell me how this will work.
- Gather from and share information with the victim survivor’s safety worker.
- What is the victim survivor saying?
- How does she accommodate him and does she see this as being equitable?
- What are the consequences for her and/or the children if she does not accommodate his needs?
- What are the consequences for her if she does (e.g. loss of autonomy)?